ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
