I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
