Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
