New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
