I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
