I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
