i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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