I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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