Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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