Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
