If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
