We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize