I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
