you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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