That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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