dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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