I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
