when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
