margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
