After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
