Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
