sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
