I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
