My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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