so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
