I will die if light touches me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
