I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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