dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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