I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize