Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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