I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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