i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
