remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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