I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
