The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me they were just razor bumps!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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