i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
