one two three fourrrrnication!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
