He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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