stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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