I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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