Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
