you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
