i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
