To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
