1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize