You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
