I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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