i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
