you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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