I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
