and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
