How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
