Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
