I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
