I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
