two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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