Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
