i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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