Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
