Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
