We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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