Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
