No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize