We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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