I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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