Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
