Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
