Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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