At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
